Spiritual Makeover

I had a Mary Kay Makeover this weekend. It was random because I was there to support my cousin who is starting out with this company. I started out as a visitor and ended up a fashion victim. I don’t want to get religious on your ass but it was an unexpected spiritual experience.  How can a Mary Kay Makeover be healing you ask?  Well let me tell you a story , a story of me that is!

 I have been in a rut the last year or two. I feel like a lost sheep that strayed  away from the flock(dramatic but true). I have been in and out of meaningless jobs. I literally have been a zombie. Yes people zombies exist, they just don’t walk around  in bloody shirts and eating organs. There are so many people who are unhappy and unfilled walking the earth. It’s like your alive but your soulless, each day that passes by is the same. There were days when I felt  like the only way I could feel anything is if I cut myself or get hit by the bus.  It was not depression it was sense of purposelessness.  I want to change, but I am an “ I am going to do this when…” type of person.  When I save money, lose weight, blah blah blah. It’s like  in order for me to change I have to change this first about my situation and myself. Guess What? I have not saved enough money and I’m still eating McDonald's. I found out that I am a product of self-sabotage. I set these goals for me to fail then I use this as my excuse for failure for not changing. That’s not healthy and I don’t know why  I do it. I take that back, I do it out of fear. Fear of stepping out of my comfort zone, fear of change, fear of success, fear of  being the best me. It sounds crazy but I have become complacent in my failures. It is my home. I don’t know myself without it….Please don’t commit me for my thoughts, I am just being honest….It’s sad I know but if I can’t be honest with myself then I can not change….Anyways that is a little  back story.

At the makeover the speaker was saying that when January comes we say we will do this and that, it’s March, what have you done? It made me think, what have I done this year, last year, or the year before. Nothing.  She was telling us about her life and its ups and downs. It was motivational. Naturally this lady was in the business of selling and she was selling her story to us  for a reason but It was a good one.  It made me think of faith and how I get in my way. I can blame it on others or my situation, but in the end it is me who has the deciding factor. I know it’s time for a change but once again its what I don’t have  and what I need to make  a change. That’s what my mind is telling me anyways. I guess I need to step out on faith. The speaker also said be careful of the advice you heed “Don’t take advice from people you wouldn’t trade places with,” she said exactly.  Which made me evaluate the people I listen to and made me think about how I need to stop giving my advice or opinion. I definitely know people wouldn’t want to trade places with me. She went on saying don’t listen to your friends or family or anyone that would discourage you. That’s my main problem. I always ask people their advice and what they would do and equate their opinions in my final decision. The truth of the matter, the only opinion I need is mine because I am the only one being affected by it. It’s a cop out sometimes when you ask people for their advice because  you(I) don’t trust yourself enough to make the decision on your own………I am getting long winded it is time for me to sum it up. I am going to step out on faith more, but most importantly have enough faith and trust within myself to do what I need to do in order to take myself in the right direction to advance to the next level in my life!

-the world according to april